Lately, God has been molding me and shaping me in ways that I never knew before. He is putting new passions in me and He is directly showing me how he is guiding me. This summer God started just breaking my heart more and more for the oppressed and the fatherless, like it talks about in Isaiah 58. I had all this passion and I was like, "God, I wanna do more. What will you do with all this passion I have? God, take my heart and break it for what breaks yours. I don't want to live an ordinary life." I didn't know why I had so much passion for the poor and the oppressed. I felt like I needed to do something besides what I was already doing, something bigger, something that would stretch my faith entirely, something risky and adventurous.
Then God started moving that passion he had already instilled in me through different people He placed into my life. Consistently, I kept hearing story after story about missions. My cousin just got back from Zambia, my other cousin is doing her student teaching in India, my friend just got back from YWAM and now she's in India with an internship, another random person I met started talking to me about how he just got back from YWAM and the amazing things it did in his life.....literally the list is quite long of the people I encountered.
So, I started researching. I was like, "God, why are you putting all these people in my life right now? It's gotta be for a reason." Then God began showing me why. I have always wanted to do YWAM. I wanted to do it after I graduated high school, but that was not my timing. So, I started just glancing at the site every so often, more of just dreaming and wishing. One day I came across something that caught my eye. It was a school in Australia, and not only was it in Australia, it was a Sports DTS (Discipleship Training School). I was hooked. So I then I wanted to know more information and what was this all about? Then it said outreach: Africa. "Oh man, God what are you doing?" You know I love Africans and Africa and have always wanted to go there." I read more. "Hmm.. the dates are when?? February - July 2011? Okay cool God. How come this would fit perfectly with my schedule?" More research. A possibility that I could get credit for school through Independent Study while I was there? Not bad God. Okay, so obviously someone that I talk to, especially probably an advisor, has got to tell me this is not a good idea and that it's not practical. I was wrong again. Everyone that I talked to had outrageously good takes on it, even better than what I had for myself, "Amanda you have to do YWAM," "I can totally see you doing it," "So when are you going?", "Keep me updated and I can help you with whatever you need." Alright people, this is only a crazy idea remember!? Who said I'm actually going....
God keeps giving me little steps that I need to take. He has been only showing me 3ft in front of me. But He knows what he's doing. For sure it is a definite and exciting journey of trust. Today I just printed off my application to a base in Melbourne, Australia. Who knows what God is gonna do tomorrow? I only know what he's done today.
Every so often I have doubts about this journey, okay a lot actually. I think about what my parents are going to say when I tell them. I worry about how I am going to pay for it all. If it's the right thing to take of college. If it's the right timing. BUT those things hold me back. They chain me down to an ordinary life. That's who I was! But not who I am now. I am a crustacean shedding off it's shell. The old is gone, the new has come. I am renewed, changed, different from who I was. I don't want the things of this world anymore. I want to live with eternal perspective, "earthly things just fade and shatter." I want to start living a radical life!
Tonight I was at Crossroads worship night down at the Prayer House. While we were worshipping I really felt God telling me to stop holding back. I hold back so much from God. I don't give Him my all like I give to other things. I want to stop holding back. I want to dive head first off this cliff into the ocean. In order for God to work and do big things, I need to give Him my everything. All night I have been feeling this repeated theme of not holding back and giving it all to Jesus. So I come home and my friend Trudy had sent me an email with a link to a song attached. And when I did I was like, "God, wow, you are on the move! You are amazing. Of course you would have it be this." The link was a to a song by Jesus Culture/ Kim Walker. The name of the song was, "Holding Nothing Back." This was not an accident. God knew. God planned. God ordained. God is. God is present. God is active. Do not doubt the hand of this Almighty One.
Isaiah 30:21
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left you will
hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
God is that voice. He has a plan. I am excited to see where He takes me from here. I know I'm on the start of an amazing journey. I feel God keep pushing my heart towards YWAM and He keeps giving me steps to take so I'm gonna keep taking them, Holding Nothing Back.
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