Battling myself

It's true. Yourself is your worst enemy. 

Lately, I have been struggling with just being myself. Maybe part of that struggling is a result of the changes that have taken place in the last couple of months. I've developed a new home and a new circle of friends. I haven't left my old friends it just that we are all at different places on the map of life. I have been struggling lately with just being who I am and being vulnerable. That is one of the hardest things for me and I don't know exactly why.

 It should be easy just to be yourself right? cause you are the one who knows yourself best, but lately I have not wanted the world to see who I really am so I put up a front. I put up walls and I don't let them down, not for anyone. But it's stupid of me because these walls portray a type of person that is way less cooler than who I really am. When I am in this closure I am more uptight and to myself. 

Maybe I am struggling to be myself because I don't really know who I am yet. Sometimes I feel like I know exactly who I am and others I question myself, "Who are you?" and "What are you doing with your life?"

Life is a gift. A gift to cherish and a gift to develop. Along with the gift of life we are given personal gifts, each different. They are each different so that we learn to appreciate them. If we were all given the same gift, the gifts would not hold the same importance. No, we are given different gifts so that we develop a sense of community; dependence on one another. God desires us to spur each other on and we can do this by sharing are personal gifts with one another. I think I just have to learn to use mine and to cherish and uphold them. After all they are gifts FROM GOD!!! There are no other gifts with such importance.

I know my identity lies in God, but sometimes I forget. I think maybe I forget that when I don't spend time with God. Spending time with God is so important. It tells you things about yourself. It tells you the truth. 

I am praying to God for new eyes in which to see myself and the world around me. I have to be content with being myself. Also, content with depending on people. I think sometimes I just want to be so independent that I don't allow others to help me and in effect I am actually harming myself. It's not healthy to live in a box. It's not healthy to put up a phasod because what's under it is much more beautiful even though you might not think so. 

Bits and pieces. These are just bits and pieces of my mind and what I am going through. To God be the glory.