Hungry

Lately, I have been experiencing this hunger for God like I've never had before. It's like I have this empty spot in my heart that only God can fill. It's like I can't get enough of him. I just want to be with Him all the time. I get restless when I don't have my time to be alone and talk with Him. I have found how desperately I need him. Being on my own has definitely triggered that desperation. I just have this spot in my heart where I have this desire just to drop out of school and leave my life here and go to third world countries, like Mexico and Africa and show them the love of Jesus. Then I remember that God has led me here to Calvin in Grand Rapids this year and I need to live up to my potential here before I go somewhere else in the world. I can feel in my heart that God is definitely tugging on my heart. He wants something out of me. I just haven't figured that out yet. 

Sometimes I get angry with God. The other day I went to this aids exhibit at fair haven ministries and listened to the story of a kid named Zombo. It was heart breaking to hear what he had to go through. Losing his mom, not even knowing his father, being ostracized by his friends, and then finding out that he too has aids. It hurts me to see them hurt so much. I just want to help them somehow, but I feel helpless. I don't know how I can help them when they are thousands of miles away. I just want to show them love. Why God? Why does this happen to innocent children? Why can't I just be there with them right now? Why can't I go back to Mexico on the Sunshine team this upcoming year? Then I remember.. God has a specific timing planned out for me because he knows what is best for me. Having patience, knowing that I can't be in control, scares the crap out of me, but trusting and depending on God is what is necessary for me to have peace in life. 

..............Thank God for His abundant love and grace.............